Why the sun lightens our
hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on
mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see
the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
"abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors
call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop
Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made
with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real
Why is the man who
invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day
with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there
mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and
improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat
those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize
the needle for lethal injections?
You know that
indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't
they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink
when it rains?
Why are they called
apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite
of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe,
why do they call the airport the terminal?
In case you needed
further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do
not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to
work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos:
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary, details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would
On some Swanson frozen
dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu
dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down.
"(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer
Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a
Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Boot's Children Cough
Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the
rate of construction accidents if we could just get those
5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking
On most brands of
Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food
processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines
packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman
costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to
fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)